My heart is heavy this week as I write this. There is so much that I want to say today, but I just can't find the words adequate enough to express the emotions I am feeling. It just doesn't feel real. I can't believe this is coming to an end. Up to this point I've been holding my breath that the Prophet would make an unexpected announcement that sisters can serve for two years. But that is one prayer the Lord has not answered.
Today I have reflected a lot back to the day when I first opened my mission call. I will always remember the overwhelming feeling of peace that overcame me as I read Illinois Chicago Mission (now Illinois Chicago West Mission). I knew it was right and I knew there were people here that were waiting for me. But little did I know or realize what impact those people would have on me. I can remember, and my Dad can attest to this, going on an emotional roller coaster of doubt, fear, excitement, faith, and stress from the time I opened my call to the time I entered the MTC. Of course going toe MTC we were the very last parking spot at the so I had the farthest to walk. But I had promised that I would not look back at my family once I started to walk away, and I haven't looked back since. I was so nervous and so exhausted when we got to Chicago I hardly remember anything from that day except the humidity hitting me like a wave. From the moment I stepped off of that airplane, I knew I was in for something big, but I had no idea just how big. The adjustment to missionary life was hard but the people I met along the way made it all worth it. Bennie, Leena, Carol, Kathy, Mark & Brandon, and Joe and many many others have changed my life forever. As have each and every single one of my companions, each of whom I love dearly.
My mission has not been how I would have planned it to be, AT ALL! But I know that it has been exactly what I needed. There have been hard things happen that I needed to go through. The hardest of which was surviving last winter;) This last week of my mission has been an overview of the past 18 months of my life. Going into this last week I pondered a lot about the goals I wanted to set for my last week. As I mentioned last week I received the distinct impression that I just needed to be happy. This simple revelation turned out to be the most profound lesson I have learned on my mission. There are times in our lives when our circumstances would suggest any thing other than happiness. But we are counseled by living prophets to not let our situations define our level of happiness. This week was an emotional roller coaster for me. I had the opportunity to go back and serve in Belvidere on exchanges. I feel so blessed to have seen so many members that I came to love dearly as I served there. It helped me to feel my mission come full circle. But upon my return back to Elgin my dear companion decided to give me the best going away present by getting the flu!! Haha see what I mean about a roller coaster week! She was down for about 2 days and then we went on another exchange and then the week was over. There were a few times this week where I really struggled to be happy. My heart just hurts. Last night I had my departing interview with President Fenn. We talked for about an hour and it was a revelatory experience. But the last thing he said to me before we closed was "I just want you to know that you need to be happy." It was one of those moments where the spirit smacks you in the face and you say "Okay Heavenly Father I get it now. I need to be happy!" So this is me, being happy:) As I was pondering more about this topic I realized the doctrine behind it. The natural man in all of us would be miserable and would want to quit when times get tough. But the Savior was CHEERFULLY doing the work of His Father. I know that life is hard, that it's not always easy but I know that we can all be happy despite disappointments and times of despair as we keep the commandments of God. Growing up whenever I would turn into the bratty teenager and roll my eyes (which was very rare!), my Dad would always stand up straight, look me in the eye and say "You always have a choice, sometimes it's just a choice of attitude." Of course I would mimic my Dad, roll my eyes again and walk away. But I have come to realize that for once, my dad knew what he was talking about:) So much of our lives are centered around our perspective. As a missionary I have learned to be positive, to not complain, and to not worry about the things I can't control.
Yesterday we were sitting in the stand before sacrament meeting singing in the choir when I saw this familiar face walk in. My jaw hit the floor as I recognized Brother Rich DeCarlo from the Oswego Ward! As soon as we were done singing I went quickly to say Hello to ask him why he was in Elgin thinking it was just an accident he had come to our Ward while traveling. I was wrong. Brother DeCarlo drove an hour to Elgin to be with me just because it was my last Sunday. He has been "stalking me" and planning this for awhile! He brought me brownies and a present. As you can imagine, words cannot describe how much I was touched and what this meant to me. I had a close relationship with his family in Oswego but I never imagined anyone would do that for me. And that brings me to the next thing I've learned... The Lord will use you as an instrument in His hands to touch and change the lives of His children. And often we don't even know it's happening. There is no grater feeling in all the world than knowing that you are an instrument in the hands of the Almighty God. It matters whose hands you're in. We don't always know it or realize it when we are on the Lords errand and that's why it's important to obey every prompting from the Holy Ghost and to do your home and visiting teaching and to serve those around you. I can assure you that whatever the Lord did for the DeCarlos through me was simple and not profound. We can and need to all be instruments in the Lords hands for all the days of our lives. And that is the thing I will miss most when I take of this name tag. Is being on the Lords errand 100% of the time. But I can promise you all that I will still do His work and whatever He wants me to do in whatever capacity I serve in.
I could write a novel about all of the things I've learned on my mission and all the ways the atonement has changed me. I am so grateful for the Book of Mormon. It is true, what else matters? I am so grateful for the sacrifices that Joseph Smith made. We are all directly affected because he sacrificed his life for this work. I am grateful that I was called to serve. This is the best decision I've ever made. There have been many hard days, and fewer good days. But the blessings and the feeling of joy I have right now is worth anything.
I think of Christ. He completed the suffering in Gethsemane for the sins and pains of the world. He was arrested and condemned on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob, and sentenced to die on calvary's cross. He gave His life to atone for the sins of all mankind. His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth. (The Living Christ). He was then crucified. But before he gave up the ghost he said crying with a loud voice "Father, it is finished, thy will be done." (JST Mathew 27:50). As a representative of Jesus Christ I feel similar to that phrase today. Everything I did, everything that I accomplished was all for my Father in Heaven. My time as a full time missionary is finished. Like Christ's life, my mission was short, full of miracles, involved lots of rejection, but the most important thing was accomplishing what He sent me to do. Christ set the perfect example and I have tried to follow it as closely as I possibly could. But I still fell short. And I always will. I am so grateful for the atonement. I know that one day I will be sanctified and become without spot so that I can stand in the presence of my Heavenly Father and feel his warm embrace and hear the words "Well done thou good and faithful servant." My full time mission may be over but my mission on earth is not. He still has a lot He wants me to accomplish. I thank you all for your support, your love, and your encouragement these past 18 months of my life. This gospel is true. It really really is. And it changes lives. I love you all and I will see you in under 48 hours.
For the last time,
Sister Hauser
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